I Need a Vacation
by Blatherskite3
Summary: Poor, poor Soundwave. -Post RotF-


Disclaimer: Well if it's here, that would mean I don't own anything.

Rating: T (for innuendo and sexual themes)

Warnings: OOC, crack, it has a lot of thinking and narrating that can be pertained as rambling.

Universe: Post RotF

_Requested by _supergirlprime xD

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><p><strong>I Need a Vacation<strong>

**(Also known as "How Soundwave Finally Cracked")**

N.E.S.T. Also known as Networked Elements: Supporters and Transformers. Located on Diego Garcia. Home to the Autobots and a cool place to hang out for their human allies. This was the place Soundwave was hiding. Just out of reach of their sensors, but close enough to read their minds. Because that was his job.

Soundwave, being an expert at mind reading, easily latched onto a mind. He was suspicious, that was a little _too_ easy. What if they were onto him? Then he got a thought.

_'Hydrant!'_

Soundwave detached from the mind, just as Mojo rounded a corner. Soundwave jumped back as the Chihuahua lifted his leg. Maybe it was time to find a new place to hide. Yes, most definitely.

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><p>All the way around Diego Garcia, Soundwave crouched down, yet again. At least he was away from the rodent.<p>

He reached out again, this time latching onto an intellectual mind. Or, you know, at least one that could talk. Hopefully.

_'Whoo, yeah! Look at her! She is so fine. Maybe she'd want a kitten calendar? And an invite to my room?'_

Soundwave internally cringed. Was this all the organics thought about? Interfacing? Or was it just this one? You know what, Soundwave didn't want to know. He detached from the mind, hoping for someone more sane.

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><p>Soundwave was a little surprised when he latched onto two minds at once. Autobot twins? Interesting.<p>

_'Yo, we'z be lookin' mighty fine, bro!'_

_'I be lookin' bettah!'_

_'We'z twins, you stupid genius!'_

_'Iz on now!'_

Soundwave nearly grimaced, but caught himself. What were those two idiots thinking? Something about an oxymoron and horrible English?

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><p>Soundwave latched onto the nearest mind, hoping that this one was better. Of course, it was mere hope.<p>

_'I'm gonna slag those 'Cons! They don't deserve to function! Especially that one... oh yeah. Soundwave. He creeps me out. Cannons are good, whatever the heck he has isn't.'_

Soundwave's facade crumbled a little more. Why did he have to latch onto the trigger happy one?

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><p><em>'Slag! Wait, that energon line doesn't go there. Oh that shouldn't be that color...'<em>

Soundwave pulled out, feeling rather sick to his tanks. That better have been a medic...**.**

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><p><em>'Sam and Mikaela are so important. Of course, Sam is a little more than Mikaela. But that's okay! I'd protect her with my life, too!'<em>

Soundwave let his helm bang against a tree. Misery seems to really want his company tonight...**.**

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><p>This was the last one. He didn't have the patience for any more insanity tonight. Let's hope this one works.<p>

_'I wonder if maybe Megatron and I should have switched jobs? I mean, "give me your face"? That fragger was offline in a second. But then again, it was instinct. I can't kill innocent, right? No, no I can't.'_

Soundwave pulled out of the mind, and stood up. He took to the sky, he wasn't sticking around another second.

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><p>Soundwave stood before Megatron. "What have you gathered from your mission?" Megatron asked.<p>

Soundwave's stoic facade broke right then. He began pacing.

"They're insane! The Autobots and organics alike! The organics interface like petro-rabbits, the twins don't know how to speak- or _think_- in any way understandable, the Weapons Specialist is trigger happy, the medic is either a sadistic bastard or has no clue what he's doing, the scout is an overly happy glitch, and Prime is thinking about becoming a Decepticon! I refuse to _ever_ read their minds _again_!"

Megatron _stared_ at his Third In Command. "O...kay?" the silver tyrant said uncertainly.

"Good," Soundwave stuck his nose in the air, turned, and left the room.

And then the Universe imploded on itself.

**End**

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><p><span>End notes:<span> I got lazy with the thoughts ^^;. Anyway, I hope I didn't butcher Skids and Mudflap's wannabe gangster speech to much. _Supergirlprime_, I hope this was okay!

By the way, my computer's currently being fixed. I'm attempting to update, but can't promise much.

_**Review please ;3**_


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